I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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