i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You may now shotgun with the bride
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
