The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
