I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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