You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
