someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
