i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
