I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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