White coat. Heels.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
