He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
