his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
