I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
