If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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