y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
