I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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