Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
