she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
