How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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