I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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