im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
