dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Found your dick twin last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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