Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
