I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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