You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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