my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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