I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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