I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
