just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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