Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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