I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No subtext here. People are naked.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
