Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
