and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
