Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
