the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
