My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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