I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
