im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
