Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
