This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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