Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
