I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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