i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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