Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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