his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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