I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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