May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
