Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
