I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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