after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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