fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
